Recognising Your Impact on the Blinds, Rationals, Shapeshifters and Haters
Knowing Self-Aware Leadership
Hello KSKOers
The Gods of analytics were clearly looking down on me the other day. An article from the British Medical Journal from 2022 - yes, ‘22 - appeared in my social media feed. Why that should have happened, I have no idea, but it was clearly the universe at work. So, rather than look a gift horse in the mouth, I grasped the opportunity to learn more. And do you know what? It made for very interesting reading. Join me in reflecting on the BMJ article all about Blinds, Rationals, Shapeshifters and Haters by Dr Partha Kar and how that links with my 3 layer definition of self-awareness and getting feedback from good people.
Looking forward to joining you on your learning journey!
Recognising Your Impact
What is self-aware leadership? Well it’s made up of 3 layers:
Reflection of skills: An ability to recognise your hard skills and relational skills, like thoughts, feelings, beliefs, values and strengths, through reflection and introspection.
Recognition of impact: An ability to recognise how your hard skills and relational skills are received by, perceived by and impact others.
Regulation of behaviour: An ability to read and understand the emotions and intentions of others and respond and act wisely in social exchanges by regulating and making choices about what you say and do.
That central layer or recognition is really important: it’s the element of awareness of our impact on others. It’s influenced by our levels of stress and our ability to read the room. It’s also about our ability to understand that people’s reactions and responses to us are directly impacted by what we do and say to them. What goes around comes around, right?!
As the saying goes - we can’t change others, we can only change ourselves. So, on that basis, the only tool we have in our armoury to influence others is our behaviour. When we make different choices about our behaviour, we change others’ behaviours and we build better relationships!
Relating to Others
The article in the British Medical Journal which I came across recently focused on ‘Understanding how others relate to you’, which is essentially an exploration of the ‘recognition’ layer of the self-aware leadership definition. Dr Partha Kar says that people tend to fall into a few familiar groups in our lives.
Blinds: Unshakeable supporters who lift you up.
Firstly, you’ve got the Blinds: the people who love you unconditionally, no questions asked. They’re often close friends or family, and they’re the ones you can lean on without hesitation. You need to spend more time with them.
Rationals: Respect you for who you are and help you grow through honest feedback.
Then come the Rationals, who warm to you over time. They watch what you do, respect who you are, and gradually move relationally closer. Their feedback is usually thoughtful and helpful, and every now and then, one of them becomes a Blind. These are your work friends who have your back and tell you when they don’t agree with you - or when you need to wind your neck in.
Shapeshifters: Friendly on the surface but unreliable and change allegiances like chameleons change colour.
Then there’s the group that causes the most stress: the Shapeshifters. They like being around you, but usually because of your role or visibility, not because they like you or because there’s a genuine connection between you. They can seem friendly enough, but their loyalty is shaky, and when they flip, it stings, especially if they’ve been playing at being a Rational or a Blind.
Haters: Open about their dislikes and you know very clearly where you stand with these people.
And, finally - the Haters. They just don’t like you, full stop. Maybe it’s your style, your energy, or something you can’t control. It’s never pleasant, but at least they’re upfront about it. Haters gonna hate!
As we get older, we figure out how to handle these groups with a bit more grace. Dr Kar says you need to make time for your Blinds, they’re the people who lift you up. Work closely with the Rationals and let those relationships grow. Don’t waste emotional energy on Shapeshifters; they eventually show their chameleon colours. Just roll your eyes and move on. And let the Haters hate - you can’t please all of the people all of the time, so accept it and go live your life. My take? Invest in the people who genuinely have your back and will always be in your corner, even if it means giving you tough love sometimes.
Cultivate the Relationals
Throughout my research, feedback was highlighted as an important way of developing our self-aware leadership skills. I’m a firm believer that feedback has a way of finding you whether you are ready or not, so it is far better to invite it in than wait for it to sideswipe you. Think of it like riding a scooter on a busy superhighway: you need multiple mirrors to see what’s coming. One mirror is your own reflective practice, keeping self-awareness in your everyday line of sight. Another mirror is held by the people riding pillion with you, the ones who care enough to warn you when a feedback juggernaut is approaching. The third mirror is the occasional formal process, like a 360 degree review, that gives you that extra life-saving glance.
Throughout all of this, the Relationals play a central role. They are the trusted one who are brave enough to sit on pillion and who’ll offer honest and constructive feedback to you - rooted in care, clarity and the desire to see you get on in the world. They give tough love when you need it.
Seeking feedback only works if you genuinely mean it, though. If you ask for input but aren’t totally open to hearing it, people will sense the your disapproval and disgruntlement immediately. And if someone is brave enough to tell you what you do not want to hear, responding badly will shut that door forever - they’re not going to put their head in the lion’s mouth a second time! Once bitten, twice shy!
This is exactly why choosing who you listen to matters. You can’t absorb every comment from every direction and you can’t please all of the people all of the time. So, if Relationals are the people whose opinions you respect, who understand your intentions and who want you to succeed - love them back. Unlike the Haters or Shapeshifters, their advice is not coloured by jealousy or hidden agendas. It’s grounded in insight, loyalty and honesty, which makes them the voices you can rely on when you need that second mirror check.
The more senior you become, the more filtered and sugar-coated feedback becomes. Senior leaders often operate inside an echo chamber, seeing only a small portion of the organisation’s reality. People hesitate to be honest with power because it feels risky and sometimes keeping quiet is a simple case of self-preservation. This makes it even more important for leaders to break those filters by being visible, asking the right questions and surrounding themselves with cognitively diverse voices. When leaders create psychological safety and model openness to feedback, Relationals feel confident enough to speak candidly and consistently.
Relationals are invaluable guides on the journey to self-awareness. They offer the kind of feedback that focuses not on the past you can’t change, but on the future you can. Their insights help you grow, challenge your blind spots and stay grounded in reality. They buffer you from the bias, fear and flattery that can distort feedback at senior levels. Most importantly, Relationals give feedback in ways that strengthen relationships rather than damage them. They are the people who ride pillion on your scooter, checking the mirrors you can’t always see. In a world where filtered truths and echo chambers can quietly derail leadership, Relationals are not just helpful, they’re essential.
The Last Word
In the end, self-aware leadership isn’t about perfection, it’s about choosing wisely whose voices shape your journey. When you understand the Blinds who lift you, the Rationals who steady you, the Shapeshifters who drain you, and the Haters who hate you, you reclaim your power and your influence. When you intentionally cultivate your Relationals, the people who sit next to you and help you navigate that road ahead, you create the conditions for real growth. Leadership becomes less about managing impressions and more about deepening understanding, strengthening relationships and showing up with clarity and purpose. So keep checking your mirrors, keep inviting in the voices that matter and keep learning. Your future self, and your team, will thank you for it.
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Nia is an expert leader who talks the talk and walks the walk. She is an academically awarded thought leader in self-aware leadership and practices self-aware leadership every single day in her role as a strategy and operations leader.
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