The View from Both Sides: The Fall and Rise of Respect
Knowing Self-Aware Leadership
Hello KSKOers
Respect is one of my core values and disrespect really gets my goat. I’ll share with you some reflections from working on both sides of the respect divide and about how you can generate kinder, more respectful and creative working relationships. Join me as I reflect on my 25 years in the world of work and share my musings on the meaning of respect.
Looking forward to joining you on your learning journey!
Start Here
Disrespect is often in the tone of voice someone uses, the intonation of their words, the language they speak, and their body language. Disrespect can be subtle and fierce. It can be polite and rude. It can be in front of you and behind you. There are all sorts of ways people convey that they think of you as less than. It can be many things, but without a shadow of a doubt, it is unkind and unwelcome.
How It Was
For 23 years I worked in the public sector in Wales and England - in the NHS, local government and civil service. For the first 20 of those years, public sector organisations held the professional high ground. They were the only bodies that could do what they did, to the high standard which they did it. They were the most capable in their field. They were intellectually superior, procedurally more robust, and effectively elite. Well, that was the culture in which we were all brought up, anyway. That was the way it was, until the money started to run out…
With the purse strings tightening and the budget allocations reducing, the public sector organisations had to start making new friends and relying on new partners. They began to change their tune about the charitable sector, raise the portcullis and lower the drawbridge.
How Things Changed
I distinctly remember the shift. My manager told me to start working more closely with a few charities in our area. I was very nervous to say the least. All I’d heard about charities was that they got things done without processes or audit trails. Their leaders were mavericks who did what they wanted, rather than what they needed. And the quality of their delivery was highly dubious. Financial impropriety was rife and they really shouldn’t be trusted with money.
Yes. This is the language and culture in which I professionally grew. This is what I heard around me. This is the attitude that proliferated. The statutory bodies in which I worked viewed the third sector as less than - less precise, less capable, less professional and less effective. Charity sector workers were the ones that couldn’t get the job in the council; the people who couldn’t toe the procedural line and couldn’t tolerate the sensory crush of the red tape.
A Different Perspective
A few years ago, I got to experience the disrespect first hand, from the other side of the divide. I became one of those charity workers of dubious repute.
I worked with people from statutory bodies who talked at me, talked over me, talked around me and refused to talk to me at all! They behaved in ways that conveyed they thought my team and I less capable, less precise, less competent and less intelligent. And most definitely less senior.
They never said this directly to me, of course. It was always by missing meetings, having more important things to do, using ‘you’ instead of ‘we’, asking leading questions and omitting me from invitations. I was regularly annoyed, frequently frustrated and often offended. I self-soothed by reflecting on my past experience and recalling the view from the moral high ground. I reminded myself that unless these people had ever worked outside of the public sector, they would never have known how their behaviour was received and their reputation built. I mean, If you’ve never experienced a different perspective, you’ll always believe you’re right, won’t you? We know about cliques and cults, group-think and echo chambers: an untested perspective is a correct and justified perspective, isn’t it?
Choosing to Grow
I’m here to tell you that looking at the world from a different perspective is a hugely valuable thing. You learn a new language, you develop new skills and you open up a whole world of awareness that you didn’t even know you didn’t have. It gives you the chance to build - or rebuild - your reputation and become a better leader, with a wider perspective and a bigger heart.
Are you someone who’s always worked in your sector and in your field? Do you think you have a narrow focus that causes you to disrespect people from other fields? How would you know??
Here are some reflections from working on both sides of the respect divide and some thoughts on how you can become a more self-aware leader to generate kinder, more respectful and creative working relationships…
Broaden Your Horizons: Work in different organisations and sectors. Grow your horizon by gaining multiple perspectives and seeing things from different angles. Work in operational roles and strategic roles, work in little organisations and large. Do everything you can to make sure you don’t become a one-trick-pony. Reflect on your own biases regularly and seek feedback on how your behaviour is perceived by others.
Be Respectful: Tap in to your empathy and never assume someone is less than. You may only have a very small window into their life, work experiences, and abilities. Recognise that other people’s experiences and perspectives may differ significantly from yours. Open up a dialogue, ask questions, be curious and always be respectful. It reflects more on you than it will on them.
Be a Team Player: Always be ready to be a team player in the game. Be ready to roll your sleeves up and work alongside refuse collectors, executives, carers and bank managers. Appreciate the unique perspectives and approaches that people from other roles and sectors bring to the table. Step in to help solve the problem. When you refuse to rub shoulders with those who you think are less than, you loose out. People will simple collaborate despite you, and you’ll get left behind.
The Last Word
Building respectful relationships means being self-aware, open-minded and genuinely valuing what other people bring to the table. It’s about recognising those ingrained biases we all carry and making the effort to challenge them. By showing empathy, being curious about different perspectives, and working together as equals, we can create partnerships that shift from simple tolerance to being truly effective. Respect isn’t a tick box exercise, it’s about appreciating the shared purpose and humanity behind the work we do.
Nia is an expert leader who talks the talk and walks the walk. She is an academically awarded thought leader in self-aware leadership and practices self-aware leadership every single day in her role as a Director in a Children’s Charity.
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