'Settle': Finding Balance in a Busy Business World
Knowing Self-Aware Leadership
Hello KSKOers
You know when you buy a yellow car, you start seeing yellow cars everywhere? Well, right now, for me, it’s the word ‘settle’. Different people keep using it in different places. It’s got me thinking about the benefit of settling ourselves, taking a moment of calm and resetting for whatever is to come next. Settling feels like resilience walking. Join me as I share my musings and how a 3 second reset can benefit us all.
Looking forward to joining you on your learning journey!
The word 'settle' keeps cropping up. In the last few weeks, I've noticed that the word 'settle' is used quite frequently in my yoga and tai chi classes. One of our tai chi instructors uses the word ‘settle’ ad infinitum. He never explains what he means, but it’s clear what he’s saying: find your balance, be confident where you are and be surefooted before you move on to the next pose.
Settle in tai chi is about finding that point in your transition between one pose and another, where you’re midway between both. It’s that spot where you feel absolute balance. You’ve done the thinking about where your hands and feet are and whether your weight is equally distributed. You’re confident you’re not going to fall over. You’re now in that place where you can shift your focus to regulating your breathing and calming your mind.
You’ve settled. You’ve moved on from what has been, found that point of neutrality, and you’re prepared for what’s next. You’ve left the past behind and you’re ready to move on to the future, with sure feet, a system in equilibrium and a calm mind.
As I sat on the edge of the bed the other night, scrolling through John Kabat Zinn's meditation app, it dawned on me that calling 'settle' was another way of invoking a mindful pause.
Now, full disclosure - I am not a fan
of the word settle! It has associations with teachers telling people to 'settle down' or parents telling you off. When you were in a heightened emotional state, super excited, messing about and having fun, do you remember being told to “Settle down!”? Rarely in a good way… This ‘settle’ is about putting a lid on your emotions and breaking your flow. Memories from childhood give rise to a sense of disgruntlement. This definitely doesn’t reflect the way we use ‘settle’ as grown ups. But, even though I don’t like the word much, I’m a big proponent of the sentiment with which it's used in a tai chi context.
If you consider how ‘settle’ might appear in our every day work and business world, we might say “take a moment to regroup” or “reset”. We might say “I’m just going to catch my breath”, or “take 5”. We don’t use the word settle but we do sometimes create a space to settle. Although, in far too many of these instances, we create space to settle only when things have got too much: the service is in crisis, the situation is urgent and the walls are caving in.
We now have the added blessing of the virtual meeting. It’s curse is a lack of time to settle between one commitment and the next. No longer do we have the luxury of the walk to the next building or the hike up to the next floor. One meeting ends at 10am and the next begins at 10am! No moment of transition, neutrality, balance, pause or calm. No settling here!
In my book I talked about a few different instances of generating this settling pause. I never called it ‘settle’, of course! I talked about a way of creating a pregnant pause to engage an audience…
“If there are more phone-scrollers than note-takers in the audience, I need to do something about the impact I’m having on them. I can do that through changing my behaviour. I start speaking faster, I leave a pause to get people’s attention, I throw in a few jokes, I pose some questions to the floor. Now, I’m reflecting on the change I’ve just made in my behaviour, recognising that the phone-scrollers have lifted their heads, and I’m deciding to continue to regulate my behaviour and be more dynamic and interactive in my presentation. That’s self-awareness in the moment…”
I also talked about that momentary space for thought between stimulus and action that changes a reaction into a response.
“People I interviewed during my research gave a number of examples of the benefits of being self-aware. They said it gave them an opportunity to question and reflect on their approach before acting. They talked about the ability to pause and decide rather than jumping in with kneejerk reactions without thinking them through first.”
I also talked about the idea of ‘pause and allow’. Very similar to the ‘let them’ theory recently popularised by Mel Robbins.
Create space in your brain for the thoughts to come and fill it. Check out Neil’s [Neil Jurd OBE] TEDxCroydon talk, ‘Pause & Allow’, March 2023, where he talks about how controlling less can be the key to success.
When I spoke to Neil on my podcast he said we should take time to reflect and review. Don’t get otherwise sucked in to doing busy work. Be brave, do nothing and spend time with yourself. Do that one thing you enjoy that’s one step away from productive. Create space in your brain for the thoughts to come and fill it.
So, how do you give yourself an opportunity to settle during your work day? What life hacks or mindfulness tips can you deploy to create opportunities to settle?
Finish your virtual meeting 5 mins before the next one. Every meeting that’s scheduled for 60 minutes will fail to achieve nothing greater if it’s 55 minutes long.
Take a deep breath, close your eyes and don’t read your emails or teams messages between tightly packed meetings. Avoid the lure of the ping and the dopamine/dread roulette.
Jot down your observations and actions from the meeting so that you can park them to pick them up later. Aim to go in to your next meeting with as little baggage as possible. Set down the luggage of what’s been, so your hands, heart and head are free to absorb what is to come.
Step away from your desk and grab a glass of water. And drink it! Keep your brain squishy and functioning. You also benefit from the steps to the tap, and the distance away from the hamster wheel.
Stop to make a coffee. Take a mindful breath and smell the aroma. Stir it purposefully and generate a pause. Watch the vortex and dive in for a 2 minute meditation.
Leave your office and go out to get some lunch. Get some air and some light and avoid the keyboard crumbs into the bargain.
Before you leave your office, tidy your desk, pack away all the things from today. Allow yourself the chance to start tomorrow as a clean slate, with a clear and uncluttered desk, as a metaphor for your mind.
The Last Word
To ‘settle’ is to create a deliberate moment of calm to allow yourself to achieve a sense of balance. It’s the moment your feet find the ground, your breath returns to normal, and your brain catches up with your body. It’s not a luxury; it’s a leadership practice. It’s what gives you traction to move forward - surefooted and confident. If you want to show up with clarity, energy, and presence, don’t just power through. Settle. Then lead.
Nia is an expert leader who talks the talk and walks the walk. She is an academically awarded thought leader in self-aware leadership and practices self-aware leadership every single day in her role as a Director in a Children’s Charity.
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