Hello KSKOers
In this edition, I’m sharing an excerpt with you from The Self-Awareness Superhighway: Charting Your Leadership Journey, all about behaviour, particularly modelling behaviour. Behaviour is the seventh direction of the Self-Aware Leadership Compass and the sixth letter of the nine CHARTABLE directions.
“If you take the superhighway of BEHAVIOUR, your ride will mean modelling the behaviour you expect to see in your organisation and rewarding the behaviour of those that live the values you espouse.”
Looking forward to joining you on your learning journey!
“Setting an example is not the main means of influencing others; it is the only means.” Albert Einstein
Behaviour. It’s a huge topic. It’s everything you do, everything you say, every move you make, every decision you take (see Chapter 1!). When you consider behaviour from the perspective of self-aware leadership, you’re talking about deliberate behaviour: behaving from a place of knowing, choosing and pre-empting the consequences. It’s a conscious behaviour. It’s responding, not reacting. From my research, I was able to identify three particular elements of behaviour that were relevant to self-awareness: situational behaviour, modelling behaviour and unethical behaviour.
Let’s journey along route number seven and follow the compass point of behaviour.
To influence the responses you get in different situations, you need to be able to regulate your behaviour. And to do that, you need to be aware of it. You need to know your audience to be able to decide how you need to behave. Situational behaviour means observing your hard and relational skills, recognising your impact and regulating your behaviour, all in the moment, and then pivoting to a different behaviour in the next situation.
Then there’s modelling behaviour – which is by far the greatest topic of conversation of all the elements of behaviour. Modelling behaviour is a fundamental consideration for a self-aware leader. As you saw earlier, every move you make is observed, scrutinised and sends a signal to people right across the organisation about what is acceptable, what is tolerated and what is good. One of my research interviewees said, “My current manager lacks any self-awareness and certainly doesn’t demonstrate leadership, right down to rarely being present in the office and then being surprised when others model that behaviour.” Colleagues pick up on the principles of a leader’s behaviour and implement those behaviours in their contexts. It becomes a framework of acceptable behaviour. If you read your phone in a one-to-one meeting with your direct report, they’ll think it’s okay to take their phone into a meeting with their team.
I once had a senior manager who used to stop by my office from time to time. One day, they’d arranged to pop in for a catch-up to see how things were going. They sat in the low-slung chair I had and checked their phone whilst I was speaking. I stopped speaking for a moment or two, as I was already aware of the neuroscience of multi-tasking (i.e. it’s not possible; it’s simply adeptness at task-switching), and they said, “It’s okay, I am listening.” I said something like, “No, that’s okay. I’ll wait for you to finish,” but they insisted. I begrudgingly carried on, feeling like second best and annoyed that I was having to give up my time and energy to be wholly present to speak to them (I mean, they were the senior manager) whilst they were only giving me part of their attention. Still, I learnt what type of leader I didn’t want to be that day, so I guess it wasn’t all bad.
Robertson Hunter Stewart (episode 8) gave an example of one of his managers shouting at an employee for not being nice to customers. The manager hadn’t spotted that taking a disrespectful, public and very negative approach to try and elicit a positive behaviour from the member of staff was a little ironic. The manager didn’t have awareness of his wider impact beyond his bubble of red mist. The moral of Robertson’s story? If you want staff to be nicer to customers, be nicer to your staff!
In podcast episode 22, Dr Gerrit Pelzer referenced his model of ‘perception management’, which is a sibling to my description of ‘regulation’. He talked about Armin Laschet, who campaigned to be the next chancellor of Germany following Angela Merkel’s departure in 2021. Laschet had visited a flooding site during his campaign phase and had been caught laughing in the background of a video. If you search for it on Google, you’ll get a raft of results about ‘laughing Laschet’. As you might expect, the pretender to the throne was knocked out of the running.
Think about your own behaviour. You might be responding to a situation within your close sphere of proximity, but your behaviour might be perceived very differently by those observing you from a distance. Your leadership shadow extends much further than the distance of a private joke!
In my research questionnaire and interviews, people frequently talked about poor behaviour, sharing examples like promotion by longevity or circumstance rather than ability or effective leadership (which was felt to be more of a thing for men, i.e. the ‘old boys’ network’), using position or rank as a lever to ‘get what they want’ and justify decisions made. I remember once hearing about someone who was being put forward for a pay rise. It wasn’t your run-of-the-mill £1,200; it was about £10,000. Because of the amount, it had to go to the organisation’s most senior public committee for approval. The individual was already in a bit of an awkward position, as their parent was a senior figure in the community, and the talk was that they’d only got the job because something was whispered into the right ear. Once the committee papers were out in the public domain, the outcry began and gradually became louder until eventually the paper was withdrawn. After the brouhaha died down, I was chewing the cud with one of those colleagues that sees all, hears all and rarely says very much, and they told me that ‘Tricky Dicky’ played golf at the same club as the CEO. What a coincidence! Clearly promotions happen on the golf courses I don’t frequent rather than the ice-cream parlours I do. You too, huh?
One of my interviewees shared an experience of a manager using personal details following a 360-degree review against subordinates. Poor behaviour was described as manipulative and divisive, and it was said that certain individuals would “trample on the people who care”.
There are a number of behaviours that form barriers to developing positive working relationships through a lack of self-awareness, like defensiveness, over-controlling tendencies, insensitivity, abrasiveness, being too assertive, coldness and arrogance, alienating subordinates, unbridled self-interest, micromanagement and defensiveness.1 As I’m writing this list, I’m allocating the names of the colleagues I’ve worked with who’ve demonstrated these behaviours. And you??
Of course, it’s not just how you behave that’s under the magnifying glass. “The culture of an organisation is shaped by the worst behaviour the leader is willing to tolerate,” said Dr Todd Whitaker, a professor in educational leadership. I’m with Todd.
The behaviour you deny as a leader is significant. I use the word ‘deny’ purposely here. On the continuum between positive and negative, it’s one of the most damaging leadership behaviours, with the likes of mentor, nurture, encourage over on one side of the spectrum and tolerate, suppress and deny on the other.
There are numerous organisations where reprehensible behaviour has been exhibited or tolerated by the leaders. Others have found themselves complicit because they copied the boss, didn’t prevent what the boss also didn’t prevent, or let the boss get away with doing stuff. Reports like the Baroness Casey Review into the standards of behaviour and internal culture of the Metropolitan Police Service in the UK list a failure of leadership and describe suppression tactics as instrumental in not stamping out misogyny and racial and sexual discrimination. The poorest behaviour you accept will be the standard people will rise (or fall) to.
“Your life, career and relationships will rise or fall to the level of the standards you defend, enforce and accept. Raise your bar.” Steven Bartlett
You may have spotted that I’ve used the words ‘boss’ and ‘leader’ interchangeably above. I’ve done that to stress the point. I’ve already talked about titled leaders and social leaders and how the terms are used interchangeably but actually mean different things. Managers, bosses, leaders – they’re not the same thing, but we tend to use them around the watercooler as if they are.
“The world is changed by your example, not by your opinion.” Paulo Coelho
In April 2023, I replied to a post on LinkedIn that shared this quote, saying, “Definitely. That’s why modelling behaviour is essential for effective leadership!” and a guy who referred to himself as a ‘Consultant, Superintendent, Author/Speaker’, who talked about education, leadership, growth mindset, entrepreneurship and 21st-century skills, responded with “Are you your employees’ parent now? Modelling behaviour? What kind of behaviour are you modelling??” I was just a little curious about his knowledge of sociology, groupthink and crowd dynamics, particularly being that his profile said he’d written books about education in schools! I’m interested to know what you think. You can connect with me on social media and share your thoughts. Pop to The Back Pages for contact information.
When you talk about displaying behaviours, you can’t but connect it with the idea of emotional contagion. Emotions are contagious. You’ll have seen as many YouTube videos as I have where one person starts laughing and eventually the whole train carriage is laughing. There’s the guy who starts dancing on the hill and eventually the whole hill is bouncing with dancing people. If emotions are contagious, then so are attitudes, behaviours and all other relational acts and omissions. If humans have a propensity to follow the crowd and the leader of that crowd pays your wages, you can bet we’re going to follow them. Leaders lead by example and employees follow that example.
“The world is changed by your example, not by your opinion.” Paulo Coelho
If you want to be an effective self-aware leader, then your behaviour and the behaviour of others matters. A lot. In February 2023, I listened to a brilliant episode of the Manager Tools Podcast called ‘Culture Chapter 1 - Culture Is Behavior’. They set it out simply and succinctly: culture is formed by the behaviour that goes on in your organisation. That’s it. Whatever’s written in the corporate strategy about values, forget it. That’s just paper. Behaviour is the practice, and together, the behaviour in practice equals the culture of your organisation. I hate conflict and having difficult conversations about awkward things, but I will do it because the alternative is that I let bad behaviour continue making other people’s work lives suck. And that, I won’t stand for. Will you?
Let’s consider self-awareness through the lens of behaviour - specifically modelling behaviour, which is the seventh direction of my self-awareness compass. Here are 5 top tips on how to develop your self-awareness practice with behaviour modelling in mind:
Lead by Example: Exhibit Desired Behaviours - Understand that every action you take as a leader is scrutinised and emulated by your team. Deliberately model behaviours that align with the values and standards you want to promote within your organisation. For instance, if punctuality is important, ensure you are consistently on time for meetings.
Practice Presence and Attention: Avoid Multitasking - Be fully present during interactions. Demonstrate attentiveness and respect by avoiding distractions like checking your phone during conversations. This not only shows respect for the person you are engaging with but also sets a standard for others to follow in their interactions.
Foster Positive Emotional Contagion: Display Positive Attitudes - Recognise that emotions and attitudes are contagious. By consistently displaying positive, supportive, and constructive behaviour, you can influence the overall mood and attitude of your team. This creates a more collaborative and positive work environment.
Address Unacceptable Behaviour Promptly: Set Clear Boundaries - Do not tolerate or ignore poor behaviour. Address issues directly and constructively to maintain high standards. This includes handling difficult conversations about negative behaviours to prevent them from becoming normalised within your team or organisation.
Promote Ethical Leadership: Reflect on Your Actions and Impact - Regularly reflect on your behavior and its impact on others. Ensure that your actions are ethical and align with the values of the organisation. Encourage transparency and accountability by admitting mistakes and learning from them, which fosters a culture of integrity and trust.
By focusing on these tips, you can develop self-aware leadership that positively influences your team and shapes a constructive and ethical organisational culture.
Hogan, R., Curphy, G. J. and Hogan, J. (1994) ‘What we know about leadership: Effectiveness and personality’, American Psychologist, 49, p. 493; Shipper, F. and Dillard, J. (2000) ‘A study of impending derailment and recovery of middle managers across career stages’, Human Resource Management, 39, pp. 331–45; Sparrowe, ‘Authentic leadership and the narrative self’; Gray, D. and Jones, K. (2018) ‘The resilience and wellbeing of public sector leaders’, International Journal of Public Leadership, 14, pp. 138–54.